When I was 32 my husband lost his job, and I lost my worldly security.
When I was 32 I watched my dear friends stop choosing one another and part in divorce.
When I was 32 I watched my dear younger sister go through a divorce with her husband and grieved the loss for their 5 children.
When I was 32 I mourned with a friend who couldn't get pregnant. I shed tears with friends who lost babies. I cried with friends who struggled to care for their families and who experienced depression in motherhood. I faced marriages that struggled and fought to be restored.
When I was 32 I lost the depth in a lifelong friendship.
When I was 32 I felt lonely.
When I was 32 I watched the life of a dear friend wind down and be overtaken by cancer. And I grieved her death and the loss for her three daughters and loving husband.
When I was 32 I learned of a dear old friend who took his life. And I am broken.
When I was 32 I was sad.
But, when I was 32 I learned who God is. I learned He loves me in ways I never knew. I learned His will for me is to live in dependence on Him alone. I learned what it means when He says He is close to the brokenhearted. I learned what it means to mourn with those who mourn. And I learned the beauty in His plan for community. I learned through watching my children what it means to have a life filled with joy. I learned from my husband what love really is and how to trust in uncertainty. I learned through running what it means to have perseverance and endurance--not just in exercise, but in all trials. I learned that my God loves me with a wild, passionate and creative love. And I am grateful. For the sadness and despair. For the grief. I am thankful because God has drawn me near to Him and has never left me alone. I will dwell in His shelter and rest in His shadow (Psalm 91:1).